It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize