She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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