Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
