ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
