If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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