I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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