I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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