everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
