are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
