I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
