We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
