We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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