i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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