adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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