i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
