At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
