On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
