The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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