You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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