kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
