Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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