I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
