my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
