i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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