Where are you?
In a non slutty way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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