i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
