how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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