After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
