I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
