M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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