i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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