So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
