There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
