This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
