I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize