K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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