why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
