Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
