I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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