i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
