Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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