Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Someone shattered a urinal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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