There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
