I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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