This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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