She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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