The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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