i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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