Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
