Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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