people are starting to question the shark bite story
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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