Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
