i just had sex bonerless
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm both gender and math confused
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
