I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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