so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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