Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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