Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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