She said her name was "party"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
