I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How does one acquire holy water?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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