Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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