I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
