Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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