I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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