You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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