my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
