I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm bleeding and have questions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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