I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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