Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
