he wants to bone in the snuggie
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
