Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
