lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize