I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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