either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
