I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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