I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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