Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
