Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
