hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
