i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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