I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
