also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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