It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
