you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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