ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize