Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Nicole vs. Life
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
