Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
